Changes

Though my challenge ended back in October I felt I should share this with those who have read my blog and know some of what I have been going through since August of this year. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts I had a manager who was harassing me. It was in many ways sexual harassment and for so long had been ignored. I had reported it not only to the corporation itself, but also to the sheriffs’ department. Though they had wanted to help me they legally could not as he never tried to actually touch me. As for the corporation themselves I have finally heard back from them and it is now under investigation. My voice was finally heard, though it saddens me that it took four months for any action to take place. I’m sure many wonder why I am sharing this and what it really has to do with my blog, or the challenge itself. It was because of my pain and agony over what had happened, and that events that followed that made me decide to do my Bible challenge in the beginning. I have changed so much in the past four months that I no longer recognize myself. My healing has been slow, but hopefully after the investigation is over and I have the results I will fully heal from this time.

I know that Gods hand has been in all of this, to help me to grow into the woman he wants me to be. I now see my strengths and am more prepared for the next time, which Lord willing there never will be one. I know that Vengeance is the Lords, Romans 12:19, and that he will repay. Although I do hope that I am there to see it, I know that this is an evil thought and is wrong. I have tried to find forgiveness in my heart but it is absent, only anger can I find there. I am praying that I can find the forgiveness I lack, because it only hurts me to hold a grudge and not him. Maybe that is the new challenge I need to take on right now, before I do anything else. I know that even though it’s missing right now I will soon have the forgiveness right where it belongs in my heart.

Not an Ending

As my 30-day challenge came to an end I felt some sadness, as I did not do as well as I had hoped I would. This is not a complete end for me, I will continue to try until my goal has been met. I am looking into other ways to help myself gain my desire.

One of the ways I did find is listening to sermons online, which helped me to get that 15 minutes of bible time. One of my favorites is a TED Talk I found on YouTube. It doesn’t really have much to do with my challenge, but it does explain why I choose this challenge in the first place.

We all wonder what our purpose is and what we’re meant to do. I believe part of my purpose is to help my friend find the Father who loves him. To share God with everyone that I know and love that do not know him. I hope that others who read this blog will also come to desire to read God’s Word and to know him in a personal way. I know that as I continue to read every day I will find my purpose in this life, beyond sharing my God with those I know.

A Break at Work

                       I enjoy my new job, we get so many kids in that are so entertaining. We even had one playing peek-a-boo with one of our customers today. I think she enjoyed it as much as the little girl did. Her smile was bright as she continued to play with this little tyke. As I joyfully watched this interaction I got to thinking about all the people who asked me, "Do you really want to work with kids? Their so annoying." My to them was, and still is, yes.

                      During my lunch break that day I remembered a verse from scripture about little kids. Pulling out my phone I looked it up. Matthew 18:1-5 is one of my favorite verses about children. Each of my Grandfathers believed that a child was to be seen and not heard, which hurt me dearly when I had so many things to share with them. I drew comfort from this verse, it encouraged me to know my Heavenly Father loved to her me. Why do we hurt those we should love the most?

                      As I continued to read I realized why I love children so much, I was once just like them once. I love to hear them because of their sweet laughter, their small wonder filled voices. My sister was told after the birth of her second son that he would probably never speak. The day we heard that gruff sound coming from his throat was a day of tears and praise. As I cried I remembered my childhood and the many times I was told to be quite or go away. The thoughts that followed those were, "Why wasn't my voice cherished when so many will never be able to speak?", or "If only my Grandfathers knew how lucky I was to even have one."

As I look for my answers to my friends every question I find other things to share with him. We are all God’s children and he longs to hear from us. To spend time with us. Now when I see a child I cherish the joyful sound that comes out of their mouth, for it reminds me that I am a child in God’s sight.

A Terrible Cold

This past weekend I was sick in bed with strep, which is in my opinion worse than the flu. As I lay on my bed, head pounding, throat throbbing, I tried to read my Bible. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stay awake long enough. So instead I found myself praying as I drifted off to sleep. Even though prayer isn’t a part of my 30-day challenge, it still gave me that connection with my Heavenly Father that I so desire to have.

Prayer is a must in any Christians life, for it is a conversation with your best friend, your God. It is an intimate act that unites you with Christ and should be private, Matthew 6:5-6. I enjoy my time in prayer more than I do anything else. I can share anything with him and know he will never betray my trust. Many of my struggles I have taken to my Lord in prayer and have felt his presence with me, his loving encouragement.

I have noticed that as I carry on with my challenge that my prayer life has grown as well. I didn’t anticipate the many lessons I would get out of this, the changes I have made and intend to make. To think I learned all this due to a cold that kept me in bed during a beautiful weekend. God truly works in mysterious ways.

 

      

An Answer Among The Struggle

            I am struggling in reading my Bible every day, which is very disappointing to me. It causes me to feel depressed and put out with myself. I really thought this would be an easy challenge for me. I couldn't have been more wrong. I truly want to succeed at this challenge, but I feel myself losing hope that it will ever become a habit. Something it should have become after I first gave my life to God. 

            I sometimes wonder if this is a disappointment to God as much as it is to me. I do not want to disappoint him any more than I do myself. I will continue to fight in making this a habit and do better. One of the best motivations I have is in my friend, who is very important to me. He has many questions about my faith that I don’t know the answers to, so when I do get to read I look for those answers. One question is on why Judaism is different than Christianity. The answer I found is in Galatians 3:23-29. This verse tells me that there is no difference in God’s eyes, only in our own.

I was amazed at the leading God gave me as I opened my Bible and began to read, it was as though God himself was speaking directly to me. I look forward to God’s leading as I continue on with this challenge. I can’t wait to share this scripture with my friend so he to can have the answer to his question. I know given time we will find all the answers, even to questions not yet asked. We have the best tool to find them, the Word of God.

Cross Map

                

The Sweet Peace

   Oct. 9, I read my Bible for 20 minutes, as I waited for a friend to join me for lunch. He had been kept late at work so it gave me plenty of time to read. It was amazing how fulfilled it made me feel, how my depression and doubts faded. I have always enjoyed reading my Bible, but to often I allow the things of this world to get in my way. But yesterday I felt the world and its distracting possessions drift away. My struggles were none existent as I read. It was just my God and I spending time together, like hanging out with my best friend on a warm autumn day.

               The peace I felt was like nothing I have ever really known; I couldn't even understand it. I haven't felt any peace for quite some time, if I ever really have. I recently had to quit my job because one of my managers was making my life there miserable. The gossip he spread about me made it feel like a war zone every day. I dreaded going to work and seeing my coworkers disapproving faces and hearing the latest rumor. It's still constantly on my mind, even though my job has changed, sending me into a deep depression. But that day, during my Bible reading it no longer existed, I was free of it for the first time in three months.

                I look forward to more peaceful moments as I continue on with my challenge. More moments free of the pain so many have inflicted on me as of late. What other wonders could he possibly have ahead of me and my time spent with him? What other memories can I overcome with his help, in his word? I now see the adventure in reading my Bible every day. Though I still struggle to do it I now have this strong need to read it. 

The Beginning

Monday September 26, 2016 I started my 30-day Bible challenge. I am attempting to read it every day for 15 minutes. Which will be really easy, right? Wrong, this challenge has already proven me wrong. Being a part time student and working part time I struggle to find the time to study, let alone read anything other than my text books. I have begun to ask myself; how can one get their to do list done and still find time for other joys like reading? Within a week I have already learned to prioritize what is most important. Though reading my Bible is important to me I learned that I procrastinate, a trait I’m not proud to claim. If someone had accused me of this before I would have said it wasn’t true. Quickly I learned it is a very true fact of who I am. I have watched myself since my discovery, even asking my family to watch for it. Hopefully during this 30 day challenge I will not only gain the habit of reading my Bible daily, but also overcome my procrastinating ways.

When I chose my challenge I didn’t know how much of a struggle this would be for me. I blindly thought I had chosen the easiest one. Was even a bit high on myself, felt like bragging about it. I’m ashamed of myself for my actions now, even if it was only spoken in my head. Right out of the starting gate I did one of the things the Lord detests. I have a lot to learn during this challenge. Lessons to learn about myself.